The Devil made me do it
by Praeceps
Summary: I'd say the title says it all.


Disclaimer: Yes, yes, I am aware of the fact that I do not own Inuyasha, or Kikyo, or anybody else for that matter. I do own myself for that matter though. You can sue me, but I'm poor and penniless, and I'm certainly not making any money doing this. This is just for fun, and to clean up some space in the attic previously called my head. And if you have a problem with my humble work, then don't read it. Enjoy!!

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The Devil made me do it

I don't believe in God anymore. I don't know when this happened, but it did. Sure, he exists somewhere, I can't possibly deny that… but I don't rely on him any more. He never helped me. Me, a Miko. And he never helped me…

I suppose it IS my fault in some ways, that it ended this way. I put too much faith in my work, in his beliefs, so in some ways you could say he left me because I didn't have any beliefs of my own. Poor judgement. The gods have always been fickle in that way.

I think they gave up when I shot him. I didn't know it at that time, but I shot an innocent. Actually innocent isn't the right word. I shot an **_Innocent_** person, a person that depended on me in some ways like I depended on my gods. I guess we both lost. Me, my feelings and my faith, and he… come to think about it I guess I got lucky… I wonder what it's like to loose not only your life but what little hope you had left.

I should be horror-struck by what I've done. I should be washing my hands of all the blood and misery I've caused. I should be praying to my gods, as the miko I am, for forgiveness and enlightenment to where I went wrong. I should… I should apologize to Inuyasha. But I don't. Because they abandoned me first. I can't say that about Inuyasha, I don't have the right to, but I can say it about them. I don't believe in them, in him, anymore. I don't care. It worries me, but I Just Don't Care anymore. It's done, it's over, I have lost and however hard I try it will stay that way. So I don't care anymore…

I'm lying. I do care. I care that all I ever wanted is gone now. I care that HE has been given a second chance and I haven't. I care that that little girl that looks like me is doing what I had prayed to the gods that I'd do. And I care that I was brought back to view all this, not being able to be a part of this, as punishment by the very gods that abandoned me. It's not fair. What did HE do different that I didn't? By the standards that the gods set **I **should be the one living again, not the… the… him. And it hurts to see him happy without me. It hurts to know that as soon as I abandon this shell, **I** will go back to HELL, while He remains here.

I have fallen. Fallen out of grace. Fallen out of Their mercy. I have fallen. I cannot go back. There is no hope for me. All I can do is sleep. Maybe there I can find peace. That's what Inuyasha hope's for. That's what Inuyasha wants. And Inuyasha remembers me… I see it in his eyes. He knows what I did not, and he wants me to find the same peace he did. But I have already fallen, there IS no going back for me. 

It is not fair that it will end this way. I will loose. I have lost. And He will win. To Hell with it all. I may have lost, but so will He. If I play by the rules They set, I will loose. So I will cheat. I don't believe in them anymore. Why should I follow Their rules? I will drag him to hell with me. I will not leave this mortal realm without him. He can be as miserable as I am, and he can say nothing because he wants me at peace. This will give me peace. So he will follow me, to Hell.

I don't believe in gods anymore. I haven't for a while now. But if They ever confront me about my choices I will smile at Them, I will tell Them the Truth and laugh, and there is nothing they can do about it because it IS the truth and I will have won. It is Their Own fault, because They did this to me, They sent me there. And I will find my absolution in the fact I can not be blamed, **I** am ALSO innocent, because:

The Devil made me do it.

And I have won.

Praeceps: Well this was just a little thought I had about Kikyo. Nothing big. Nothing new. Just a thought. And I don't have to tell you that this is all you'll get from this story. No follow-up planned. I hope you liked it, but that depends on your individual tastes. Well toodles for now!! Bye-bye!


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